I was, well, let's just say I was fixing my hair recently, and I came upon three or four hairs that shone a little differently than the rest. Upon closer inspection, I could see that they were white!
I wasn't really surprised that they were there at my age, since I'm almost 28, and I know quite a few people my age that are already greying and/or balding. In fact, when I found them, I updated my Facebook status to express my chagrin, and one of the guys I went to school with responded that he was already getting white hairs in his beard. He also expressed hope that I didn't have that problem. I quickly told him that being Italian (like him), I will have that problem eventually. We all have that problem. I have been dying to use that joke for a long time.
To be honest, I don't really know why I was surprised. Perhaps surprise wasn't even what I felt. I think it was the universal dismay at getting old.
We all know what happens when we get old. Things start to hurt, fall off or fall out, change colours, and just plain stop working like they used to. We have to start taking all kinds of medicines to keep some semblance of normalcy in our bodily operations. This frightens me, and I'll tell you why.
If something is missing or broken, I don't want it anymore. I remember losing pieces or accessories from toys I had and never wanting to play with them again. Things weren't the same anymore. Barbie NEEDS the shoes that went with that dress! If they're missing, why would I even let her wear that dress anymore?? It's not the same!
I think it would be the same with my body. Once things start to go worse than they already are, I don't know how I'll live with myself. I will admit to seriously courting the option of throwing myself off a cliff once I hit a certain age, or not treat myself if I get some horrible potentially life-threatening illness, because I don't know how I will be able to handle it.
I'm still young for now and have lots of time to worry about it, and aging kind of comes gradually, so I know that I'll feel differently when I get older, and taking care of myself as best as I can now will make the transition into my autumn and winter years much easier. Still, it's daunting and sad watching people getting old and knowing that it will happen to me eventually.
... my illustration work: Victor bomber (UK)
3 weeks ago